Jesse's 21st
Here we stand at the dawning of a new era in our lives. 21 years ago we were blessed with a bundle of joy.
That precious bundle now all grown up & spreading his wings. I've planned this special send-off into adulthood for so many years and now that it has arrived, I'm feeling overwhelmed. It was supposed to be the most joyous & spectacular event he could have dreamed of but instead the last years have happened & it feels like I have lost my boy...
If there's one thing I've realised lately is that in so many ways I have failed my boys over the years.
My own lack of guidance & examples had left me ill equipped to prevent the scars of emotional neglect they too now carry. Hurt people, hurt people & I was hurting so bad I buried myself in work for the most important years of their lives.
I loved them with every fibre of my being but emotionally I was unavailable. Hell I still don't know how to handle all this emotional stuff. That is time I will never get back & scars they will carry for a lifetime.
I wish I could have a do-over. I would change so much but all that remains for me is to ask forgiveness & pray that they will heal in time. I pray that they will find love & happiness and be ok. May they always find their ways back home if ever they need us...
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