The Book in YOU

I stumbled across this post on my LinkedIn feed this morning & it seriously rattled my cage... 😢🤔 I can still feel the tightness on my chest as I process...

Over the years I've come to believe some very strong foundational lies in the area of creative things I believed I can't do:

1. I can't sing!
2. I can't dance!
3. I can't draw!
4. I can't paint!
5. I can't write!
6. I can't teach!
7. I can't speak publicly!

In reality, though they are all rooted in FEAR & the first 4 have been resolved since I've embarked on my healing journey, leaving me with numbers 3 to 7 yet to be resolved.

Decades ago, as a teen, I used to write poetry when things were tough, but for some reason, I don't know why, but I just stopped & my brother has been trying to encourage me over the last few years to try again, but at most I've managed 2 lines & then came up empty...

I can't even remember how many times I've been told to write a book after sharing my testimony, but here I'm still captive in the LIE that "I can't write!"

Later, at the office, I was typing up an acknowledgement email for the National Award Submissions Elias had asked me to send. He wanted me to make it more personal, but I kind of freaked out inwardly & heard myself say "but I can't write," to which he replied, "Stop it, or I'll bury you alive in a box!" I haven't heard that one in a few weeks, but then I haven't been beating myself up as much as I used to when I first started working with him. (Watch "Stop It!!!" for context) He also said he knew I had it in me & challenged me to have it done before I left to take Misha to the optometrist. Later when I took my email for him to check, he told me a story & ended with: "Before I read this, is this the best you can do?" to which I replied, "I think so." Well, he approved it, but that didn't end my turmoil yet.

He came out of his office later asking why I was suddenly so quiet. Apparently, he had noticed I've always been singing or humming whilst working. I deflected, blaming it on focusing on what I was doing & not having my headphones with music in, but as I was journaling, I realised that wasn't quite true... I felt like a deer in the headlights & was wrestling with the inner turmoil & too ashamed to admit I was struggling. 😞 Eish, I realise now I was hiding, but when Elias came to find me, I pushed him away 🤦‍♀️😢 & for that I've had to ask for forgiveness.

Sandra teaches, when we step on someone's toes, we must apologise, but when we hurt their hearts we must repent & ask for forgiveness to restore trust & relationship... shutting people out who care enough to help will hurt their heart. 💔

It took 3 days before I was able to tell Clive what I'm dealing with & now, he's threatening to tell my boss on me 😂 because I've been beating myself up for days 🤦‍♀️. Apparently the boss knows a little bit about boxes 📦🤪 I just hope he also knows how to find people that run & hide in boxes.

Well, apparently God's still not finished with me yet 🤔 & the foundational LIE "I can't write…!" seems to be next in line for uprooting once wounding, judgments, expectations & inner vows have been discovered.

Wait, there's more... Yet another unbelieving area of my heart that needs to be transformed. I was hoping for a breather before the next uproot, but apparently Holy Spirit has other plans.
I'm bracing myself for another fireball of cleansing as He helps me dig up the judgments, expectations & inner vows behind this LIE still holding me hostage.

I guess the rapid succession of uprooting this year means there's an assignment waiting that needs me to be FREE.

This is where I'll be writing it UGLY for now https://www.trixiscreations.com/this-is-my-story although I'm waiting for WiX to help me resolve the dynamic page links that are currently faulty.