Holding Steady in the Same Room

Today I saw him again. There was no urge to run — a minor miracle in itself — but what tested me most was sitting still as he spoke about the importance of building relationships in teams and all those wonderful leadership nuggets I hadn't experienced while being ignored.

Everything inside me wanted to scream, "You didn't do that for us." My heart wanted to lay bare the truth, to pull back the curtain and reveal the gap between his words and his actions. Instead, I stayed composed, letting the Holy Spirit hold my tongue.

The last six months of being ignored, dismissed, and made to feel like a discarded Christmas present — wanted for a moment, appreciated while I was useful, then set aside without thought or care — destroyed all the safety and trust I felt in the months before. Hearing him talk stirred the memory of that rejection, the dismissal without goodbye, the silence that still echoes. Sometimes it's not the things we do but the things we don't that cause the most pain to those who have experienced the trauma of neglect.

And yet, I’m learning that strength isn’t always speaking my mind; sometimes it’s choosing not to pour my heart into soil that cannot receive it. God sees the truth without me having to defend it. He has already measured my worth, and it was never in the keeping of one man’s opinion.

📖 "Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips." — Psalm 141:3 (NKJV)

📖 "The Lord is my vindicator; therefore I will wait for Him." — Isaiah 54:17 (paraphrased)